letting go

people asked me why i still don't have a boyfriend at this age.... i belong to the nbsb club (sorry guys i dont wanna elaborate what that club stands for...hehehe!!!) .... i'll just confess it right here.... im suffering from unrequited love, until now ....i met him 6 years ago and i'm still waiting for the ompossible to happen... i want him to be called mine....
i keep on finding fault on people who gives me special attention, people who are close to me thinks i'm looking for a perfect guy, a guy who has everything ....and they would just say goodluck for the quest for there is no such thing as a perfect guy... what they do not know is that i want no other person than the same person i still love or think that i love.... from what i know he is a playboy, he got lots of girls around him that's not surprising since he is gorgeous...dead gorgeous....
let me tell you a story, when i first met him it was my grandmother's wake, the very same day that she died.... i was on a vacation then and since my grandparents house is near the basketball court, my cousins and i decided to watch the league to lessen our grief... we we're just watching on the sidelines when suddenly this group of guys approach our group. they knew my cousins and since im just a visitor they want to know who iam.... iam the snob type of girl specially to guys. actually im not really snob it's just that im not the friendly and talkative type. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that i spent my adolescence life in an exclusive school and i don't have male friends. when we were introduced i just said hi then after thegame left the court to go back to the wake... i did not notice him because im not looking at them when they were introduce to me so when i went out again i now actually saw him.... that same night my cousin told me that someone wants to court me and my usual response is no, eventhough my cousin is building up the guy saying he is nice, cute and everything a girl would asked for a boyfriend i still said no because i want to be available for the cute guy that i just saw only to find out they we're just the same person... if i ever had any regrets in my life it would be when i turned him down... after the funeral we were not able to see each other again because i need to go back home... i tried to go back there when there is any opportunity but unfortunately there's none.... when finally i went back there hoping to see him again, i was heartbroken.... he already has a girlfriend... i saw the girl and she is pretty, i feel so intimidated and loss my self esteem, i feel like im the ugliest person around so i went back home brokenhearted for the first time and to channel out my negative feelings i tred to excel on my studies..... i did and i feel so great but deep inside im still hurting, after all those years i still want to be his girlfriend.... the last time we saw each other was 2003 and i was entertaining another person... like in soap operas...i tried to entertain other person but deep inside my mind is filled with thoughts of him... i thought we still have chance on the next day... i'll have the guts to say i like you... but unfortunately my dad decided to pack up and go home and i still have a thesis proposal to prepare so we went home. just like in any patriachal family, no one can question my father even i, who is my dad's fave can't protest... only if i knew that that would be that last time i'll see him because he'll be living in another country for good....
so i guess that means goodbye and i'm left to do the only sensible thing that any sane person will do... to move on with my life, find new inspiration in life and to LET GO!